The way I think this is going is up

It's my last break where I am legitimately allowed to mooch off of my parents so I was planning to completely milk them dry and live la vida loca. I was imagining drunken nights with bloodshot eyes from sniffing too much shebang; coming home with a cigarette burn, or a cigarette hole right through my skin tight leggings blotched with remnants of last night's dinner; smelling like a day old ashtray with nicotine, alcohol and dope coming out of my pores.

But I'm a good girl.

A good girl attracted to the excellent self-destructives and their hallucigenic realities where the clouds in the sky become the very ground they walk on.

Mmmmm. The sweet smell of bad. How I wish it didn't smell too good.

But I am a good girl.

So I read, worked, and went to lunch with my mother and her motormouthed friends like I promised. And like I had already anticipated, the lunch was way weird. Since I was forced to sit there, I think I have prematurely learned three different parenting styles, and officially accepted that parents really "have been there and done that". Double whammy. So to all tweeners out there thinking you're too smart to get caught, think again, buddy.

Then again, life is too short to live safely. So carpe diem man. I salute you all brave souls lurking in this murky world of fake rules and false truths.

So a lot happened today which required me to do some pre-carpe diem-ing for my future days. Not cool and totally not fun especially when you have people breathing down your neck on where you should be and what you should do with your life. Hello, last time I checked it was my brain that made me eye blink.

It's exhausting -- having to constantly re-assert yourself. It sucks even more if you're a wuss and place great importance on what your parents think of you. It's sucks ten times more when you're at that point, that feeling of standing at the edge of the cliff, and you look back and realize you've shaped your path exactly as how they would have wanted you to shape that path; and you've done such a good job at it that now, you have no idea on what shape you would've wanted that path in the first place.

I think these are the little moments when the stench of bad makes my mouth water.