Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup...

"You look so sad today."
"Hey! What's the matter? You look so...gloomy."
"Hi, my name is _____, we met before. Anyway, are you ok?"
"There you are! I've been looking for --- did something happen??"
"Tell me the truth Er, what are you thinking?"

Jesus, I feel like I have to wear a smile on my face 24/7 just to reassure people that I'm ok. I feel like I have to say something funny after each sentence so people will think I'm 'myself'. It's not fair that I feel I have to be that constant person everyone uses as a basis for reassurance that not everything is changing. Just because I laugh loud, make unnecessary comments under my breath, or make jokes, doesn't mean I'm an eternal entertainer. Sometimes I want to wear a sad look on my face because I feel sad; so please, let me wear that face once in a while without having to explain myself.
I woke up past my alarm clock and did not have time to drink coffee. And this is important because I cannot function without at least a cup of coffee and I actually can get a wee bit cranky without coffee. In fact, I need my piss to be reeking of coffee beans for me to feel like I've had a sufficient amount of caffeine. Moving on, the meeting with Adidas completely slipped my mind, so I showed up not only late, but wearing Nikes. Fucktard. When I got to the place, I just wanted to kick my shoes out in the fucking grass; and the minute the Adidas people scanned what I was wearing and focused and de-focused and focused on my shoes again, I just wanted to shoot myself. My streak of bad luck however, didn't end there, it actually escalated. I got my F test paper back for history, and while I was running to submit my philosophy synthesis I almost kissed the gravel as my foot got caught in between those ridiculously uneven stepping stones. I come home, only to have more responsibilities (like meetings with my youngest sisters' teachers) dropped my way and a chat session with someone unappreciative of me and suddenly it's like I'm reliving my hellish nightmare of 2006 once again. I know for a fact that I'd be okay if it weren't for that chat session with the one and only EX whom I still love and keep close to my heart dearly, but know deep down that to really love is to let go. I know he doesn't know he doesn't truly love me yet, and I don't know if he will ever see my worth, but I am optimistic that one day we both find that happiness and peace we probably deserve...even if it's not with each other.
Ok. I'm fine, I just needed to see in word format, what made me feel like shit today. Tomorrow is another day, tomorrow will be much better, and tomorrow will be the last day I shoot with actual professional indie filmmakers so maybe I should take pictures of that. I'm am totally craving for fish 'n chips and green tea ice cream for desert.
I am quite excited to watch this film, Across the Universe, which I hope actually does arrive in Manila or at least reaches the people who love to reproduce pirated material.
..."Nothing's gonna change my world," seems to be my broken wish of the day.